O.V. (Original Veejay) Adam Curry claims to be the first ever Podcaster

To celebrate the nine-month anniversary of podcasting, I've compiled a short list of podcast reviews so that you can figure out what to listen to. Honestly, I doubt that anything out there right now is better than what you already have on your MP3 player, but if you're in the "Finally! Talk radio for my iPod!" crowd, this list is for you. To avoid boring myself to death, I've avoided listening to too many episodes of any one show, and in any one episode, I've avoided listening to too many actual minutes. In this way, I've discovered my inner opinion without the confusion normally caused by, as they say, too much information.

You're probably already familiar with The Daily Source Code, hosted by the first ever podcaster, Adam Curry, whose face, obscured by a microphone and an iPod, you can see in last month's issue of Wired – which is totally frustrating, by the way, because this guy was supposedly a veejay on MTV in the late Eighties and early Nineties, and I can't remember him – and I totally had cable back then, too. Curry typically broadcasts from his car, but on the day I listened in, his daughter, Christina, was supposed to be a guest on his show. She overslept, so a lot of the show was spent with Curry sort of standing around in his kitchen waiting for her to come downstairs, which added a little suspense because she was late for school.

To fill the time, Curry talked about how he burned her bagel when he was toasting it and how he scraped the burnt parts off and whether she would notice. He was all excited because he was going to get Christina to share some of her music with the listeners on the way to school, so it was really sad when she came downstairs and revealed that she'd lent her iPod to a friend the day before. Although Curry acted like he was mad because she'd made a dumb decision and would probably never get her iPod back, you could tell that he was actually just sad because his big father-daughter show was getting more screwed up by the minute. Curry eventually corralled his daughter and her backpack and her lunch, and they finally left the house as Christina, much more awake than she'd been minutes earlier, talked about how her uniform smelled like "moldy ass and cigars" and then said something muffled that sounded like "cunty," to which Curry yelled, "Christina!" Figuring this to be the highlight of the show, I tuned out right about there.

The DSC has a lot of heart, so despite the two minutes Curry spent talking to himself about whether to put his mic on his right lapel, I'm giving it three stars. That means it's cool to talk about Curry at parties but it's not that cool to listen to his show, except in an Abercrombie sort of way. Also, I'm giving it one whole heart for Christina cuz she knows how to keep it 100.

Moving on, The Daily Download is hosted by Chris Rockwell, a guy who podcasts his daily craps. He sits there on the shitter talking about something random and every once in a while says, "Hold on, I gotta push." In addition to talking and crapping, he also interviews people, such as Sonny Froman from CowChipShirts.com, a site devoted to selling T-shirts dyed with cow manure. Needless to say, he interviewed Froman while sitting on the toilet pooping, which was just disgusting, really. While Rockwell poops in every show, he does mix it up a bit, like on Wednesdays when he does experiments. One time he did an experiment to see if poo conducted electricity, and another time he shat in a bucket in the middle of his living room while watching Paris Hilton on the TV. Then he covered up the poo with peat moss to make humanure and hid the bucket. When his wife came home from work, he led her around the house asking her if she could smell anything weird, and then he took the bucket out and waved it around at her until she yelled at him to take it outside.

If I could I'd give Rockwell negative 5 billion stars for being gross, and also for turning poo into a patriarchal weapon of midlife crisis, and also for bastardizing the cutesy mainstreaming of poo, achieved through the pioneering efforts of the likes of Mr. Hanky in South Park and Sandra Bullock in Two Weeks Notice. However, since I did drink my act-right juice this morning, I'll settle for zero stars and no hearts.

I never got to our third show, The Daily Grind, but I did review its title. For being the same name as a lame coffeeshop I used to go to in high school, it gets zero stars. In summation, don't forget, life is random. Happy anniversary, podcasts! Woot!